doctor visit

as i watched beila's eyes flutter close and her skin turn from pink to shades of whites and purples that matched the dress she was wearing, it took all the mommy energy i had to not scream and cry for my baby. i was so thankful that my ex husband had taken off work to come be with us for this doctors appointment, i know i couldn't have held my five year old's body tight and rigid as the nice woman stuck my baby's arm with a needle and drew her precious life's blood out. the Greek was out in the waiting room with popi and juni while parks and i had the parental duty to help out with getting the blood sample. all i could do was watch them lay my ghostly beila out on the bench seat and try to wake her up. i was told to hold her knees up and sway them side to side to help the blood flow. parks held her head and helped her drink the apple juice that was brought to her. i sat there and swayed, and swayed those knees while i watched for any signs of rosiness to come back to my baby's cheeks and lips. her eyes were rolling all around and no color came creeping back, and we still had a urine sample to collect. my heart was laying out on this bench seat and i was helpless to do anything.

we were testing for diabetes. the past three weeks or so bee has been incredibly and insatiably thirsty. therefore there has been frequent urination with the frequent water drinking. she also seemed super skinny to me, but i'm skinny, why wouldn't my kids be too? she had been complaining of tummy aches and headaches that never seemed to have an initiation to them as well. it was the water drinking that got me concerned, but it was my dad that voiced the concern on our road trip. i told him i would make a doctor's appointment.

brandy, my pediatrician's nurse who is the best ever, called me back with the blood test results. bee's blood sugar level was at 175. the normal levels range from 70-110, so yup, elevated blood sugar, and that was at a fast. we have to go to a pediatric endocrinologist on monday at a fast for more tests. more blood tests. my poor baby girl. they have not diagnosed her with diabetes yet, and they might not. of course i hope she doesn't have the big D, but it sure is looking like it might be that. i am so thankful that if this is my child's auto immune disease, that it is diabetes we will be dealing with and not a debilitating auto immune like my mom has, dermatomyocytis. i am grateful i am not on here talking about cancer, so absolutely grateful.

well, things could be worse, but all in all life is pretty darn good if i say so myself. i try not to let things get to me, but i am after all human. i yell, i cry, i scream, i think about rude things to say to people who perturb me. so i will go to bed now and leave you with the words of bette milder, "got no diamonds, got no wealth, i got no men, but i've got my health!"